I got a little lost for a while. I was taking every hit. I was considering the rules and authority. I felt punished for being me. It’s not possible to keep the peace or pace anymore. I’m done. My weaknesses are real and tangible, but so are yours. There are cracks, but like Leonard Cohen says, it’s how the light gets in. It’s okay to be scared of your broken pieces. I just don’t want to walk so carefully over the shatters anymore. There are the ones that hold your hand over it, and there are ones that let go and let you get hurt. Somehow, I made the soundest decision back in my early 20s. I married one that will always be there, under any and all circumstances. I’m grateful for the ones in my life that made space for me, went out on a limb–let me in. I hope to return that to the world.
I am choosing to focus on the people that consistently show up. They show up for life, for others, for themselves. They engage with life in a way that leaves no stone unturned or unexamined. My people. Take it in, give it everything you have, every day. They are my people because they appreciate all the beauty and ugliness that comes their way and then ask for more. They are the wild ones, the untamed and unharnessed. I love the people that laugh too much, overshare, ask uncomfortable questions, act and make decisions, unparalyzed, make off-color jokes, and don’t apologize for it. Surround me with those people.
There is a certain mentality from runners that fit this. They hit it hard, are okay with it hurting and the struggle, because it’s part of the ride. They endure. They don’t pause when it gets hard. They may pause to catch a beautiful view, and I like that metaphor.